The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
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yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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