I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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