I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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