I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
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Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
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We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
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