yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
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Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
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Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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