i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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