You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize