You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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