Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize