Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Randomize