I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize