just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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