So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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