someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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