why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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