drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize