What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize