Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize