I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
there is glitter all over my balls
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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