Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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