he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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