I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
