did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize