On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
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I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
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Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize