she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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