I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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