She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
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These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
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I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize