if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I wish there were birth control emojis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
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