ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
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She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
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