ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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