Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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