YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
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In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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