i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize