Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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