Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
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My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
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Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I am never drinking with the goths again.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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