rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize