Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Randomize