help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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