So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
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Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
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I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I can't trust your balls anymore.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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