Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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