I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize