Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
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I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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