My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
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Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
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You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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