I'm gonna have a badass scar
well you can't waste a boner
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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