So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
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Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
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He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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