I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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