so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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