dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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