please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
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he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
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It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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