Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
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I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
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I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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