No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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