You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize